If I Should Die
by myobsession
Summary: It seems suitable for R. Warnings: 1x2, hints of past 1x2, 1xR, angst. Duo breaks down after seeing Heero's wedding. What ensues?


Title: If I Should Die

Author: myobsession

Warnings: yaoi, hints of past 1x2, 1x2, 1xR, deathfic, Duo torture and angst.

Authors note at the end.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Heck the song isn't mine either

~*~*~*~*~*

Duo shivered as the bitter wind stung his face, blowing the tears from his eyes. He forcefully knelt into the soft plush grass, staining the knees of his pants brown. His flowing hair wiped around his face, stinging with every hit. He choked out a sob as his muscles went limp and he fell, flat on his stomach, unto the cold hard ground.

Duo clenched his fingers around the grass, suddenly ripping it out with a loud cry. He brought his hands up to his face to feel the salty tears still trickling down his face. "Father Maxwell, I'm scared…..please help me…" he sobbed into his palms, then whispered. "I'm scared…" Duo rocked his body back and forth, hugging his torso to his knees. "…scared…"

~*~*~*~*~*

Relena placed her hand on Heero's smiling warmly saying wistfully "I'm so _glad _you found me all those months ago. I really think we have a chance." Heero's lips upturned in a semi-smile but looked away nervously. "Relena, about that…"

~*~*~*~*~*

Duo wiped his mouth, still feeling sick even after relieving his queasy stomach. He brushed away the surviving traces of tears from his reddened eyes. He felt his insides tie in knots as he looked back across the street at Heero leading Relena into a limo, crowd cheering wildly. The back windshield reading "Just Married!" accompanied by various drawings and silly comments each made by his fellow ex-gundam pilots. He kissed her gently on the cheek looking into her eyes passionately. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"Duo look, I told you I was sorry what more do you WANT from me?" Heero yelled, his voice breaking. Duo clawed as his shirt, mewling in pain. "My virginity, my soul, my heart…" Heero shook his head, eyes closed refusing to look at the torn boy in front of him. "Stop it Duo! Why can't you just MOVE ON!?" Duo let out a blubbery sob, rolling off his bed. "You know what? FINE! I should've known never to get involved with Mr. Heero Yuy-jumps-into-bed-with-the-first-thing-he-sees. I should've known…" He whispered the end of his sentence, trailing off as he felt his throat close up. "Duo…." Heero growled. "I told you to SHUT UP!" Duo narrowed his watery eyes with anger shouting "How was I Heero? How was I? Compared to all your other little SLUTS how GOOD was I?" There was a pause and Duo's heavy erratic breathing could be heard. Heero's eyes burned with unshed tears. "Duo…" he began. "No Heero, I don't wanna hear it. You know, I must've been **really **good for you to KEEP me with you all. that. FUCKING time." Duo pushed past his ex-lover stopping at the door slightly, thinking, then turning around . "I wonder if you told…" He inhaled violently, bringing his thoughts together. Duo began again. "I wonder if you told all of them…that you loved them too." He rushed out the door, not looking back.

~*~*~*~*~*

"Duo…" Heero breathed into the other boy's warm chest. "God, Duo…" Duo peered down at him, his eyes sparkling. "Yes?" he asked innocently. Heero cradled Duo's head softly with his hands, rubbing his thumbs on Duo's cheeks. "You are…the most beautiful creature I have seen." Duo smiled warmly and blushed, stammering at a loss for words. "Duo I want you to know…That I love you…No matter what." Duo ran a finger down Heero's bare, tan chest. "No matter what Hee-chan." he agreed. Heero placed a feather-light kiss on Duo's head looking into his beautiful sparking purple eyes. "You are…everything to me Duo." Duo, deciding he had enough sap, pounced on Heero, laughing at his surprised face. "Want an encore performance?" he asked, teasing Heero. "Whatever you want, angel." Heero said wrapping his arms around Duo tightly as they kissed.

~*~*~*~*~*

Duo stumbled into the large room given to him in Quatre's elegant mansion. His clothes were drenched from the rain and his hands shook, in fear and pain. He felt like there was a huge rubber band tied tightly around his chest and throat, tugging painfully every time he moved. He looked around finding no one, figuring everyone was still at the after party. He slumped into a chair, losing sense of reality. His head swum from the amount of alcohol he consumed and his vision blurred. He heard the door open and a figure cross the room towards him. "Heero?" he croaked out, blindly reaching towards the silhouette approaching him. The figure shook his head "No Duo." The man knelt down in front of the plush chair Duo was sitting in and brushed the other boys bangs, running their hands through his hair, whispering "You always had the most beautiful sensual hair I ever knew." he mused. Duo made a suspiciously purring-like noise from the back of his throat, appreciating the comfort.

"Hee-chan." Duo mumbled, feeling sleep coming on. "Heero's coming…" the voice whispered. "Don't worry." Duo reached out a hand to blindly grope the face of the person in front of him. "Who-?" Duo started but felt the man pull away from his grasp. "Heero's coming…" he said again. "Don't worry." Then Duo promptly passed out, overwhelmed by the rushing emotions he felt in him.

~*~*~*~*~*

"…Relena, about that…" Relena clenched the hand she held furiously. "What is it Heero? Something wrong?" Heero shook his head taking a deep breath. "I just wanted….wanted to know…" he shifted from his seat to kneel on a single knee upon the floor. He thought he heard Relena gasp. But…it wasn't Relena. "Duo?" Relena questioned, surprised and annoyed by the intrusion. Heero looked guiltily into Duo's amethyst eyes as he stood in the doorframe. They didn't seem to sparkle anymore.

~*~*~*~*~*

~~~If I should die…this very moment~~~

Duo's head lay back in his chair, feeling a radiating warmth around him. "Duo, when Heero comes, I'll take you away…" the voice breathed "I'll take you away. Far away…" A rush of air blew Duo's bangs over his face. "I'll take you to a place where pain and fear and anger doesn't exist. Don't worry Duo, you won't be scared anymore….no more." Duo smugly smiled "No more…" he echoed.

  
~~~I wouldn't fear~~~

Heero rushed through the door, staring at an open pair of purple eyes. Dull, purple eyes. He felt the blood rush to his head in fear, and he stalked over to Duo. "Duo…baby." he whispered, provoking a response. "Heero?" Duo asked weakly. "Is that you?"

  
~~~For I've never known completeness~~~

"Everyone was really worried about you." he said hugging Duo to his chest. "They said…" he breathed, finding himself terrified again. "They said you had a knife…they said you were threatening to kill yourself…Now why would you do that?" Duo rolled his head, feeling Heero's arms supporting his body. "I don't wanna be scared anymore Heero. I don't wanna be scared…and…" Duo coughed, choking. "I don't wanna hurt…like this…anymore." Heero felt a trickle of warmth run over his soft cheek. He gasped, touching it with his fingertips. "Heero…" Duo said in a sing-song voice. "Why are you crying?" Heero wiped the tears furiously with the back of his wrist. "I hurt you?" He was asking but telling himself it was true at the same time. "Yes." Duo murmured.

  
~~~Like…being…here~~~

"Duo…" Heero said, thinking of nothing else to say. Duo opened his tightly shut eyes asking, "Is it over yet? Can I wake up now Heero? Like I did all those times before." he reflected. "I would wake up in your arms, safe and warm…and loved."

  
~~~Wrapped in the warmth of you~~~

Heero grasped Duo's limp hand and kissed each finger gently. "You can wake up now Duo, I'm here." Duo smiled a goofy grin. "Really?" he asked. "Really…" Heero whispered.

  
~~~Loving…every breath of you~~~

"Heero?" A fairly high-pitched feminine voice rang out, disturbing the moment of silence passing between the two ex-pilots. "Heero, honey are you done up there already? Our flight leaves in an hour." 

Heero got a panicked look on his face as Duo looked up in confusion. "I…thought you said…thought you said…thought you said you loved me." Heero looked deeply into Duo's eyes. "What are you talking about Duo? You're-you're delirious…" he stammered. "No…no I'm not." Duo said softly. "I'm just remembering…help me remember Heero." 

  
~~~Why live life from dream…to dream?~~~

Heero lightly brushed his lips across Duo's causing Duo to gasp. "Do you remember my little koi?" he said affectionately. Heero urgently pressed their lips back together nibbling on Duo's sweet tasting lower lip…He had missed this SO much. "Do you remember when I told you I loved you no matter what-?" Heero's voice was cut off from Duo as he heard the strange man's voice again. 'It's time to come home Duo…come on.'

  
~~~And dread the day…~~~

"Duo…" Heero nearly shouted as he felt Duo go lax. "Only you…Ai shiteru…Duo…" Duo's body fell limp in his arms and Duo managed to whisper softly in the other man's ear, "Heero, I'm not scared anymore."

~~~when dreaming…~~~

~~~ends…~~~

…owari…

A/N: Okay that was another weird creepy duo-death filled one-shot. Oh and if you were confused the fist part is just different points in time. First, Duo and Heero get together and they love each other, then Heero breaks up with Duo and then Heero asks Relena to marry him. Follow? The next scenes are Duo at their wedding, (the first one) and then it's the aftermath and Duo is getting and drunk and drugged up and depressed. The 'mysterious' man is Solo. He came because Duo asked Father Maxwell to help him in the beginning. Sadly, Duo died before Heero could realize he made a big mistake… Well that just about sums up the story. R&R and if you're really confused e-mail me or something ;) ciao.


End file.
